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GENDER ITEMS 2009-08-08
ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but
you can always see right through them.
SWISS ARMY KNIFE - male, because even though it appears
useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time
just opening bottles.
KIDNEYS - female, because they always go to the bathroom
in pairs.
SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its
tongue ...
1 Kommentarer, 55 Besök,
3 Röster
,2.45 Resultat
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WHAT WOMEN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MEN 2009-08-06
1. If you think the way to a man's heart is through his
stomach you're aiming to high.
2. Women don't make fools of men-most of them are the
do-it-yourself types.
3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you've
got sick of him.
4. Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.
...
3 Kommentarer, 83 Besök,
3 Röster
,1.96 Resultat
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Confounded sex ! 2009-08-03
A man was in a terrible accident, and his 'manhood'
was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him
that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance
wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered
cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3, 500 for
'small, $6, 500 for 'medium, $14, 000 for 'large.'
The man was sure he would wanta medium or ...
3 Kommentarer, 189 Besök,
34 Röster
,0.18 Resultat
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Man Rules 2009-07-27
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and
after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what
time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you
that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting,
fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old
buddies and ...
2 Kommentarer, 118 Besök,
5 Röster
,4.45 Resultat
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Milk 2009-07-25
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you
can get the milk for free."
Here's an update for you . . . Nowadays 80% of women are
against marriage.
Why?
Because women finally realize it's not worth buying
an entire Pig . . . just to get a little sausage.
5 Kommentarer, 141 Besök,
11 Röster
,4.48 Resultat
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Comebacks to Pickup Lines 2009-07-24
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. ...
2 Kommentarer, 77 Besök,
5 Röster
,2.82 Resultat
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The Cuckoo Clock 2009-07-23
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would
be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the
hours passed and the champagne was going down way too easy.
Around 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the
cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing he'd probably wake up, I cuckooed ...
1 Kommentarer, 124 Besök,
7 Röster
,3.55 Resultat
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BAD NEWS 2009-07-05
A secretary walked into her boss's office & said,
"I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you."
"Why do you always have to give me bad news?"
he complained.
"Tell me some good news for once."
"Alright, here's some good news, " said
the secretary.
"You're not sterile."
2 Kommentarer, 207 Besök,
7 Röster
,4.31 Resultat
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joys of single life 2009-06-17
Cooking my own meals would be an adventure, not a punishment.
I wouldn't have to explain why I'm wearing "that"
shirt with "those" pants.
I could leave the toilet seat in any position I damn well
please.
I could actually tell the bartender, "If anyone calls,
I'm here".
I'd be painting the town instead of the house.
When I get home after work, I don't ...
1 Kommentarer, 49 Besök,
2 Röster
,3.81 Resultat
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perfect couple 2009-06-16
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After
a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their
life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy
Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect
car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed
someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect
couple, they stopped to help. There ...
2 Kommentarer, 127 Besök,
3 Röster
,5.39 Resultat
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Girlfriend Blowjob Revenge 2009-06-10
I once had a girlfriend that was mad at me, and rather than
just yell at me she decided to play it cool for a couple hours.
After a couple hours had gone by she had this great idea to
give me a blow job. The bad part is, i had forgotten about
the argument or even what it was about. She however, had
not.
So she is eager as hell to undo my pants and is telling me the
dirtiest most erotic ...
7 Kommentarer, 365 Besök,
19 Röster
,4.57 Resultat
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Marital Bliss ! ? 2009-06-02
While driving to his mothers house a husband and wife
got into it as usual because he was going to see his mom.
The husband told his wife, "BITCH! Don't say
a fucking word when we get over there because mama can't
stand the sound of your god damn screaming railing and riling
voice."
The wife replied, "You sorry of a bitch! You know
what I can't stand about your old crazy, ...
4 Kommentarer, 207 Besök,
21 Röster
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Two elderly women ! 2009-05-25
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities
and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a
few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other
and said, 'Now don't get mad at me, I know we've
been friends for a long time, but I just can't think ...
4 Kommentarer, 181 Besök,
26 Röster
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Shrink vs.Bartender 2009-05-24
Psychiatrists vs. Bartenders
EVER SINCE I WAS A , I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE
UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM 'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think
there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'
'Just put yourself in my hands for one year, '
said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able ...
5 Kommentarer, 131 Besök,
6 Röster
,5.64 Resultat
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how to make your woman happy.... 2009-05-19
How to Make a Woman Happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy.... A man only needs to be:
1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a ...
1 Kommentarer, 95 Besök,
6 Röster
,4.79 Resultat
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Men and Women 2009-05-09
Men and Women on planet earth die from various places throughout
the world at a particular moment in time and go to God's
abode to be judged.
The God welcomes this new batch and tries his experimental
new judgement trick and says, " I want all you humans
to form two queues.
One line is for the men who dominated their women, ...
2 Kommentarer, 70 Besök,
3 Röster
,4.90 Resultat
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On Picking up Men 2009-05-08
Many years ago, my Mother sat my twin sister and I down in
order to explain the Facts Of Life to us.
However, she told us that this was not as nearly as important
as where one should meet their future life mate.
She informed us that the following places were Taboo to
meet a man and that should you find a man here, the relationship
was doomed from the start.
The places ...
0 Kommentarer, 200 Besök,
5 Röster
,2.16 Resultat
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Fliration of Youth 2009-04-26
I had posted some photos on one of those generic sites.
The photos were the type relatives usually take....me
eating or adjusting my panties, for an example.
Somehow these photos caught the eye of a young man aged 18
and he just had to contact me.
Was I aware that we lived a town apart? Could I come over to his home to have some "fun?"
The young man, after ...
2 Kommentarer, 166 Besök,
7 Röster
,4.06 Resultat
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The thrill is gone ! 2009-04-22
The thrill is gone from my marriage", a man tells
his friend.
"Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an
affair?" the friend suggested.
"What if my wife finds out?' the first asked.
"Just be honest and tell her about it, " the
second man answered.
The man went home and told his wife, "Dear, I think
an affair will bring us closer together." ...
11 Kommentarer, 235 Besök,
31 Röster
,1.03 Resultat
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For people that remember Bob hope ! 2009-04-20
May 29, 1903 - July 27, 2003
ON TURNING 70 "You still chase women, but only
downhill".
ON TURNING 80 "That's the time of your life even
when even your birthday suit needs pressing."
ON TURNING 90 "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
ON TURNING 100 " I don't feel old. In fact I don't
feel anything ...
5 Kommentarer, 115 Besök,
31 Röster
,0.08 Resultat
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Present For Husband 2009-04-16
A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training
session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have
a good trip.
The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you
like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl !!!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: ...
3 Kommentarer, 184 Besök,
6 Röster
,3.65 Resultat
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For men only ! ! ! 2009-04-07
5 RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home,
who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and
who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in ...
9 Kommentarer, 226 Besök,
57 Röster
,0.16 Resultat
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10 COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE 2009-04-07
Commandment 1
Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.
***********
Commandment 2
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention
to every word you say; talk in your sleep.
***********
Commandment 3
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!
...
3 Kommentarer, 123 Besök,
6 Röster
,2.23 Resultat
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A Doctor speaking in front of an audience ! 2009-04-03
The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have
killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful.
Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.
Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-
term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and
we ...
10 Kommentarer, 202 Besök,
54 Röster
,2.03 Resultat
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YOU AND I 2009-03-31
You and I are not the same, Nor will we ever be... But we have a common thread, That attaches you to me.
A golden thread that's spun so fine, With so much love and care, A thread of gold, for us to hold, That only best friends can share.
A common bond within our hearts, Love that's rare, a special find. An ability to feel and see, Within the heart so blind...
So know my ...
3 Kommentarer, 75 Besök,
10 Röster
,4.58 Resultat
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Vertically Challenged 2009-03-25
The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all
the time.
The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem..
The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look.
The midget dropped his pants.
The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started
to examine him.
The doctor put one finger under his left testicle ...
3 Kommentarer, 175 Besök,
9 Röster
,5.56 Resultat
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bono interrupted my loving 2009-03-20
I was with my girl for 2 weeks that time, and i visited her
for 3 days, we only got out of bed to get to the toilette. We
kept having our fun for 15 times in about one day. She loves to listen to music all the time, and its allways
funny when shes singing to a song while i try to get her horny.
The horror came at the evening, i just got down on her, tasting
her sweet pussy, and then got my big ...
1 Kommentarer, 112 Besök,
3 Röster
,2.45 Resultat
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Computer Trouble ! 2009-03-16
I was having trouble with my computer. So, I called Richard,
the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission
Control, and asked him to come over.
Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.As
he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was
wrong?' He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,
'An, ID ...
15 Kommentarer, 397 Besök,
53 Röster
,1.37 Resultat
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funniest thing during sex 2009-03-15
curious to know what the craziest/funniest thing people
have had happen to them during sex
3 Kommentarer, 155 Besök,
2 Röster
,2.42 Resultat
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Blind Faith...... Is it dead? 2009-03-13
Is blind faith in a partner dead. A great question if you
actually believe in blind faith. I personally think that
it is foolish, at least now I do. I used to have blind faith
in a woman and man did I learn my lesson. Well... actually
no, not right away anyhow. I never thought my girl would
cheat on me, and for the most part, she proved herself faithful
time and again. Once I had found ...
0 Kommentarer, 22 Besök,
0 Röster
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