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Alan Partridge sex??? 2008-08-27
an ex and i got into Alan Partridge years ago. i was in a shared
house in university at the time. she double dared me to scream
"AAHHHHRRRR Back of the net" at the top of my
voice when i climaxed. sooooo funny! all you students give
it a go lol!
0 Kommentarer, 35 Besök,
0 Röster
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How do you circumcise a wail??? 2008-08-27
answer: send four skin divers down!
0 Kommentarer, 17 Besök,
1 Röster
,2.40 Resultat
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three rats in a bar 2008-08-27
three rats sitting in a bar talking about how hard they are.
the first one says " the people in my house put down
rat poison the other day! but i gobbled it all down and it
didn't do nothin cos I'm well hard!"
the second rat "tu!!! thats nothin! the guys in my
place put down traps, but i just took the crack on the back
and gobbled up all their cheese cos I'm hard!
third ...
0 Kommentarer, 76 Besök,
5 Röster
,5.10 Resultat
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I prefer to make love, it is far more satisfying then just sex 2008-08-27
So many times I have seen it asked “what is the difference
between making love and having sex. I use to reply with some
humorous but kurt answers. I have read other folk’s responses
, all very good opinions. Now I think I have my own, this does
not come from any experience with various partners, rather
it come from how I genuinely feel.
Sex , I think< is relatively easy to ...
0 Kommentarer, 48 Besök,
2 Röster
,2.42 Resultat
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Make an Impression 2008-08-25
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN... compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her....
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN... show up naked, bring beer.
2 Kommentarer, 58 Besök,
4 Röster
,4.80 Resultat
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How to tell if your a swinger 2008-08-20
100 Ways to tell if your a swinger 1. You are wearing wristbands in most of your vacation photos.
2. Half of the numbers on your cellphone are listed only
by screen names. 3. You are running out of reasons to tell your coworkers
why you can't go out with them this weekend. 4. You have over 100, 000 frequent flyer miles on Air Jamaica.
5. You know most of your friends' names only as couples
(Rich ...
1 Kommentarer, 116 Besök,
7 Röster
,4.57 Resultat
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Vibrators are fore fun 2008-08-20
In 1992 I went hospital to give birth to my lovely
( who is now 16 ) but when I was away my mother-in-law decided
to get me some clothes out of my cupboard. To my horror my
lovely husband had put my one and only big black vibrator
on top of the clothes she chose for me to put on. Mind you I
would have hope in hell of fitting into the dress but on top
of that she would have had to move my ...
2 Kommentarer, 225 Besök,
6 Röster
,3.37 Resultat
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Do you still get horny? 2008-08-10
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch in Bonita
Springs, doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?'
The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.'
The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?'
The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.'
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, 'Who drives
you to the beach?'
2 Kommentarer, 173 Besök,
12 Röster
,3.51 Resultat
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Booty Call Agreement copy and paste it funny stuff 2008-08-10
Booty Call Agreement
This pre-booty call agreement (here in after referred
to as the "Agreement") is entered into on the
_____________ day of ___________, 2008 by_______________
and ________________.
THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULE AND PRINCIPALS:
1. No sleeping over. Unless it is very good and we need to
repeat it in the morning.
2. No meeting ...
4 Kommentarer, 129 Besök,
8 Röster
,5.33 Resultat
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40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN 2008-08-09
I posted this under My other nic on Transgenders.se - Transgender sexkontakt i Sverige, shemale dejting - Transgenders.se I just had to bring
it over here to Xmatch.
This is what I was told by a woman so I guess it is true..
Guys take a little time to read ALL of this. You might
be surprised just how true it is.
1) NOT KISSING FIRST. Avoiding her lips and diving straight
for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're ...
5 Kommentarer, 209 Besök,
17 Röster
,6.52 Resultat
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travelling man 2008-07-30
My wife, when I traveled away, Made sly extramarital hay, And partied for hours With chosen endowers, And often came back the next day.
1 Kommentarer, 79 Besök,
1 Röster
,1.10 Resultat
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newlyweds 2008-07-30
To his bride a young bridegroom said, "Pish! Your cunt is as big as a dish!" She replied, "Why, you fool, With your limp little tool It's like driving a nail with a fish!"
1 Kommentarer, 71 Besök,
2 Röster
,1.04 Resultat
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Age of consent - not cuumulative! 2008-07-19
Carbon here - Transgenders.se - Transgender sexkontakt i Sverige, shemale dejting - Transgenders.se self proclaimed resident sex and relationship
advice guru.
THIS WEEK: Twins!
A warning for all you lovers out there - when on the rather
sensitive (and provocatively imaginative) subject of
twins, there are a few important, but often overlooked
issues that need to be addressed. These tips have been researched
dilligently by myself and others in my relationship ...
1 Kommentarer, 128 Besök,
25 Röster
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watch what you wish for...... 2008-07-03
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his
wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through,
so he prayed:
'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while
my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through,
so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day Amen.'
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
...
5 Kommentarer, 171 Besök,
13 Röster
,4.99 Resultat
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The Tale of the Kiss`in Cousins 2008-07-02
Howdy,
I come from a tiny little mining town in West Virginia that
I fondly refer to as “Booger Hole”. We moved away from there
when I was around 9 years old but I briefly returned just
before my 14th birthday when my Pa-Paw fell ill.
I was still a virgin unless you count the endless hours I
spent jacking off and had never even seen a girl naked before
(I don`t ...
0 Kommentarer, 226 Besök,
5 Röster
,3.14 Resultat
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HOW TO MAKE WOMEN HAPPY...? 2008-06-30
How To Make Women Happy... The Point System (advice according to women)
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the
woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You
don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Simple Duties: You make the bed (+1) You ...
1 Kommentarer, 126 Besök,
17 Röster
,0.86 Resultat
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man are like... 2008-06-30
... Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
... Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
... Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night
long.
... Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.
... Computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
... Coolers. Load them ...
2 Kommentarer, 82 Besök,
21 Röster
,2.51 Resultat
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man and woman 2008-06-30
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not ...
0 Kommentarer, 63 Besök,
12 Röster
,1.92 Resultat
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Pitching the bull:Why every seducer is a salesman! 2008-06-28
You seea fabulous girl at a party, You approach her and
say"I'm fantastic in bed", THATS A DIRECT MARKETING
You're at a party with bunch of friends and see a fabulous
girl, You have one of your friends approach her and point
at you and say, "He's fantastic in bed", THATS DIRECT ADVERTISING
You see a fabulous girl at a party, aproach her to get her
fone number, next day you call ...
0 Kommentarer, 51 Besök,
2 Röster
,2.42 Resultat
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short but funny 2008-06-28
What did the alcoholic do with his first 50 cent piece? He married her ...
2 Kommentarer, 75 Besök,
9 Röster
,3.64 Resultat
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THE DREAMER 2008-06-13
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just
dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day.
What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it
to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled
"The meaning of dreams"
2 Kommentarer, 293 Besök,
5 Röster
,2.82 Resultat
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playboy centerfold 2008-06-13
Playboy is coming out with a new magazine for men who are
married.
Every month the centerfold is the exact same woman.
1 Kommentarer, 71 Besök,
4 Röster
,3.25 Resultat
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halloween costume 2008-06-13
On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having
trouble picking suitable outfits. After a while the wife
got mad and stormed out of the room. Fifteen minutes later she came
back completely naked execpt for a lemon between her legs.
The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed out
of the room himself. Twenty minutes passed and then he came
back himself with a ...
2 Kommentarer, 110 Besök,
3 Röster
,4.41 Resultat
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a picture is worth a thousand words.... 2008-06-13
A wealthy man sat in his attorney's office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?"
the lawyer asked. "Give me the bad news first." "Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" the man asked incredulously.
"I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"It's of you and your mistress."
4 Kommentarer, 138 Besök,
6 Röster
,3.65 Resultat
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next??? 2008-06-13
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the
ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
1 Kommentarer, 103 Besök,
11 Röster
,5.04 Resultat
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men and women 2008-06-13
What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
1 Kommentarer, 50 Besök,
3 Röster
,2.94 Resultat
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hmmmmmm..... 2008-06-13
A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found
his wife in bed with another man. "Get over it, buddy, " he said. "It's
not the end of the world." "It's all right for you to say, " answered
his buddy. "But what if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with
your wife?" The fella ponders for a moment, then says, "I'd
break his cane and kick his seeing-eye in the ass."
2 Kommentarer, 98 Besök,
3 Röster
,3.92 Resultat
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headache cure?? 2008-06-13
A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache." "Perfect" her husband said. "I was just
in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, ... it's up to you!"
2 Kommentarer, 94 Besök,
2 Röster
,4.50 Resultat
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tech support 2008-06-13
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting
modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that
had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband
1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed
undesirable programs ...
1 Kommentarer, 57 Besök,
0 Röster
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men and wine..... 2008-06-13
Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's a woman's job to stomp on them and keep
them in the dark until they mature into something you'd
want to have dinner with.
2 Kommentarer, 195 Besök,
11 Röster
,4.29 Resultat
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